The vision He gave me was of children in Rwanda. The dream He showed me was to teach those children about Jesus.
Everything fell into place in a miraculous way. The support system God had given me was incredible. The money poured in like a waterfall. I graduated college bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to sell my belongings and follow Jesus into a world that was not my own. A few hours before purchasing my one way plane ticket, red flags flew up left and right. It came to light that the job I thought I was taking actually did not exist. I felt hurt & betrayed. It was shocking, overwhelming, and disappointing to realize the plan I thought God had was crumbling all around me. I was no longer on the path I thought He had established. In my head, God had rejected me from His plans. It crushed me. With much sorrow and heart ache, I surrendered the dream back to Him. I laid it on the alter and tried to believe that He knew best.
About 2 years later another opportunity fell into my lap. This time it was in Ghana with a group of brothers and sisters in Christ. Hesitation gripped me. Fear and doubt of the same heartache crept into my soul. But God made it so clear. Confirmation after confirmation that this was the journey knocked me to my knees. He opened the doors and I (with much awe and trembling and humility) stepped through them. Again, God's faithfulness was overwhelming. I had more than enough funds, and this time there were no red flags. God was fulfilling the dream He gave me several years ago, and it was incredible. My soul was elated, humbled, and amazed that God would give me this opportunity.
The first vaccine for the trip put me in the hospital and almost cost me my life. The doctors told me I would not be able to get the other vaccines. The problem was that a vaccine I still needed was required for entry into Ghana and Rwanda.
There are no words to express the depths of my grief. A part of my heart died this year, and it has been one of the hardest & most confusing seasons of my life.
Yet, I have this hope that He is sovereign. I have hope that He is real, He loves me, He sees me, & He knows. He promised the Jews He would send a messiah. And He fulfilled that promise when He sent us Jesus. He has promised that this world is not all there is. He is coming back for us. He can offer us comfort in our sorrows. I have felt utterly lost, confused and hopeless this year. Yet, He is teaching me that He will not fail me. He will be faithful even when I am faithless.
I have hope that He is coming back. In view of Him, my broken heart will pale in comparison. He is my hope in the midst of heartache.
Written by: Emily F